The University of Oregon needs to change their mascot.
Full disclosure: My favorite college football team is the UCLA Bruins. That’s correct, my football team is from a school that’s known for basketball, math, and violating the rights of the handicapped.
I’m a Bruin fan because I’m from SoCal, and I’m not a USC Trojan fan because I’m from North Los Angeles County, not Frontrunner County. That being said, The University of Oregon failed miserably during the School Mascot Draft of nineteen thirty whenever.
For those unfamiliar with the legend surrounding the Oregon mascot, here it is in 3 sentences: In 1876 the university began competing under the name “Webfoots”. Sometime in the 1930’s a duckling named “Puddles” began making appearances as the schools mascot. Eventually someone appropriated Donald Duck’s likeness, Walt Disney thought it was cute, and now an entire state is stuck with a mascot that even Denny Crane can’t defend in court.
I’m not saying the Ducks aren’t the best college football program west of Texas, I’m saying that their mascot ranks just slightly above the Stanford Tree but below the Irvine Anteater in terms of intimidating flora and fauna.
Duck fans can’t argue this point; they know their mascot is the culmination of a historical comedy of errors that cascades towards the present day like a green and yellow domino rally: “Webfoots” is grammatically inferior to “Webfeet”, Puddles is the kind of name you give to a cowardly puppy, and choosing any one of Disney’s seven dwarves would have produced better results than choosing an incoherent and impotent oceangoing nincompoop.