Archive - September, 2012

A Christian Party School

In yet another desperate attempt to find relevance in a world where women can earn a living doing something other than taking their clothes off, Playboy Magazine has chosen to tell us which college campuses lead the nation in… wait for it… “Partying”.

Playboy’s list of top 10 “party schools” was released to “legitimate sports media outlets” this week and there were some surprising omissions; some historically hard-partying stalwarts didn’t make the cut as it pertained to playboy’s selectively chosen, yet tastefully displayed, criteria:

“Sex”, “Athletics”, and “Nightlife”

The hard-working statisticians and researchers behind this year’s list didn’t state how strongly the categories played into the overall decisions, but it doesn’t take a genius to understand that certain schools ranking high in “athletic achievement” and “proximity to Hollywood” wouldn’t need to rank nearly as high in the “sex” department to make the list.

Which makes me wonder how a Christian University from Ft. Worth, Texas with two streets famous for pizza, burgers, and tacos, and a respectable, yet modest, athletic department lands at number 9 on the list?

That’s right, Texas Christian University beat out all but 9 colleges in an All-American ranking of nightlife, sports, and the proclivity for pre-marital prevarication.

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Mixing A Little God In

I’m realizing that people say the stupidest things, and by people I mostly mean me but I’ll bet you say some stupid stuff too don’t you?

The other day I was wondering about some of these stupid things and I realized that we have a whole bunch of phrases that we like to use that don’t really mean anything.

Like the other day I was with two people and one of them got mad at the other one so they stood up and stormed out of the room and the other one said, “Don’t let the door hit you on the ____ on the way out!” 

Have we ever wanted the door to hit someone in the blank on the way out?

Wouldn’t this have been the perfect time for wanting the door to hit someone?

What about when you’re sitting in a room with a friend talking about someone and then they walk in?  One of the two of you is obligated to say, “Well speak of the devil!”

Did we just call this person the devil?

It’s not enough that they were probably already worried that we were talking about them, but now we also insult them?

Whenever I walk into a room and someone says this, I just introduce myself to everyone else in the room as “the devil”.

What about  the phrase “Thank God?”

Have you ever found yourself saying “thank God” and wondered if you’ve really meant it?

You know what I mean, you’ve said “thank God” on a reflex,  like “thank God” was an exclamatory phrase akin to “awesome” or “oh yeah”.

I started thinking about this the other day so I made a list of things that I’ve “thanked God for” insincerely:

Getting a front row parking space at Fred Meyer,

Finding the remote control in the couch cushions,

The Red Sox winning the World Series,

Getting the last slice of pizza,

Getting off with a warning,

Not failing something I should have failed,

Finding a pair of jeans that fit AND look good after the age of 30,

Van Halen getting back together,

The lawn mower starting on the first pull,

School being cancelled for snow,

Church being cancelled for snow,

Finding a Nintendo Wii.

Remembering the password to my online banking account.

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How To Make An Apology

Apology on Van

Press Association/Associated Press

This week a man in the UK demonstrated a new and creative way of making an apology to his lover. He parked a van, labeled with a confession, at the intersection of a major thouroughfare.

While we’ll probably never know the outcome of his apology you really do have to give him style points for trying.

The hard thing about apologies is often in knowing whether or not you’ve made a good one.

You’ve probably seen a bad apology before.

Like that time the Baseball player apologized for nothing in particular, and who could forget the “apology” Chris Brown made to Good Morning America?

Here’s something I’ve learned over the years: If you ever end up having to make an apology for the apology that you just made, then you are probably also, like me, a man.

You’ve probably also been on the recieving end of a bad apology before.

Like that time somebody blamed circumstances or another person.

Or that other time when somebody apologized for “if what I did offended you”.

Maybe they apologized to you by text, email, or twitter.

Sometimes a person’s apology features a giant ” but…” somewhere along the way

Some people think that just saying “sorry”, and then sighing, counts for something.

The fact that you know just what I’m talking about suggests that the state of the American apology is in disarray.

So what does a good apology look like?

Having apologized and failed many times has taught me a good deal about how to make an apology that means something to the offended person.

Follow these 5 tips and you’ll never have to wonder if you simply made a mistake, or you are an actual jerk.

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