Archive - July, 2013

Making Summer Better


Summer is rough on adults.  When you’re a kid, society gives you the opportunity to take advantage of the weather by taking away the school work that you’re supposed to be doing.  Unfortunately, adults are still expected to look at an 84 degree day and decide to put on a tie and go to work.

Recently I had a few ideas that I believe would instantly make summer living even more incredible than it already is.  I’m pretty busy with my obligations right now but I know that many of you have some free time, so if you’re bored and you have skills, here are some things to try:

Thicker Bread On An Ice Cream Sandwich
There’s just something awesome about an ice cream sandwich and it isn’t the vanilla ice cream is it? No, it’s that incredibly cheap chocolate type food-product surrounding the ice cream.  The only way to actually improve an ice cream sandwich, without turning it into something else, is to increase the amount of chocolate “bread” available.

I decided to test this, but do you know where they sell ice cream sandwich “bread”?  They aren’t selling it anywhere people.  I don’t even think anyone knows what it’s made of; is it cake, cookie, or cracker?  All I know is that as the ice cream melts, the chocolate gets softer and softer eventually leaving you with a chocolate fingerprint on your thumb and index finger… and licking that off, that’s the essence of summer.

If you work in the ice cream industry, solving this problem will probably be the food equivalent of landing a man on the moon; an incredible human achievement that won’t make you rich.  Please don’t let this stop you from doing this for mankind.


Acting Your Age


Guess which celebrity is older:

Jennifer Lopez or Zach Galfianakis?

George Clooney or Eddie Murphy?

Helena Bonham Carter or Salma Hayek?

Chris Rock or Charlie Sheen?

Selena Gomez or Miley Cyrus?

Taylor Swift or Adele?


Celebrating OUR Independence


Quick, guess which holiday is the most dangerous date on the American Calendar?

For all of its pharmaceutically enhanced late-night shenanigans New Years Eve seems a likely candidate, but it can’t compete with Independence Day.

That’s right, July 4th (not to mention the six-day period encompassing July 1-6) is the most dangerous day in the American year.

While New Years Eve may feature the judgement impairing effects of alcohol and fatigue, Independence day combines under-supervised children, fireworks, recreational vehicles, firearms, and water sports with daylong celebrations featuring alcohol, extreme heat, and in-laws.

And this all happens before the Roman Candles make their appearance at sunset.