Foregone Conclusions

When Demi Moore announced her impending divorce from Ashton Kutcher, by way of a publicist’s statement to the Associated Press, what wasn’t surprising was that the 6-year union between a young man and the middle-aged mother of three ended; it was how revealing “the way it was announced” was.

At 49, Demi demonstrated that she is a product of the culture created by Baby Boomers when she made an announcement about her “Traditional Values” by traditional means:

“It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I have decided to end my six-year marriage to Ashton. As a woman, a mother and a wife there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life…”

Not lost in her statement is the insinuation that the divorce is happening because “someone” didn’t share in the sacred nature of their vows.

At 33, Ashton revealed that his worldview is squarely informed by a now fading GenX paradigm. His reliance on technology to get his message out led him to Twitter:

“I will forever cherish the time I spent with Demi,” Kutcher tweeted. “Marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world and unfortunately sometimes they fail.”

Tweeting about his divorce isn’t Kutcher’s biggest problem.

At first glance, What sounds like heartfelt expression of “something” is actually a clever attempt to sidestep culpability.

Without attempting to heap abuse on an already unravelling and embarrassing situation it has to be pointed out that “marriages” never fail, people do.

Our all too human attempts to place the responsibility for our failures at the feet of organizations, institutions, and agreements reveals that we’ll go to great lengths to distance ourself from failure… even when that failure is our own.

Haven’t you ever done something like this?

When someone makes you angry, and your response is less than stellar, have you ever:

Blamed “frustration” or “the situation” for your poor response.

Used phrases like:

“Well if I’m angry it’s your fault!” or “If you hadn’t made me angry I wouldn’t have_____!”

How about telling your friends that your life would be better if it wasn’t for “the President”, “your neighbors”, or “your parents”?

Because I’ve tried each of these- to no avail.

Regardless of how the many factors of my life change, responsibility dictates that the answers I offer in solution to my problems still have to come through me.

I don’t get to pick what happens to me, I only get to pick my response.

When my response is measured, honest, and God-honoring, I demonstrate that the responsibility for my life lies in my hands. As a Christian, that responsibility is something precious that I have the opportunity to turn over to Jesus.

When I submit to the process of allowing him to determine my responses, I also carry the responsibility of being faithful to follow through with them.

In these situations I no longer find myself at the mercy of others, institutions, or situations; I find myself with an opportunity to, through the prompting of my Savior, live in a way that accepts responsibility for the life I’m living… regardless of who was “at fault”.

God then becomes my source of joy and peace in all things.

Living this way takes practice over time, and while we never truly achieve a flawless consistency, it does offer the distinct advantage of maintaining a close relationship with our Creator and healthier relationships with those in our lives.

Both of which are time infinitely better spent than laying blame on things that can never truly deliver, or accept responsibility for, our happiness.

While a happy ending was never to be assumed for such an unusually lopsided union; a 26 year-old joining the home of a 43 year-old and her preteen daughters is usually a cry for help in any culture, their failure also wasn’t guaranteed… if everyone was willing to assume the proper responsibilities.

While it may not have been helping, their age gap wasn’t the obstacle to “happily ever after” that selfishness was.

And that really seems to be a forgone conclusion for all of us.

5 Responses to “Foregone Conclusions”

  1. ann November 18, 2011 at 9:47 am #

    Well said!

  2. Sharon O November 18, 2011 at 10:17 am #

    And another very true and good writing. With lots to think about. They have no clue what it means to be married for better or worse, sickness and health, it cheapens the comittment when people choose to make poor decisions.

  3. Joe November 18, 2011 at 10:21 am #

    GAL 5:23, also 5:22

  4. Andy Schreiber November 18, 2011 at 12:08 pm #

    And then there’s this:



  5. Jon November 18, 2011 at 1:41 pm #

    Possibly the least responsible way to be “married”…

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