Finding Your Wife

Fred Meyer is a pretty amazing store.  They claim to have everything that appears on your shopping list, and they most often do.  If I’m short on time and I need to visit a Grocer, Banker, Jeweler, Gardener, and Clothier, Fred Meyer has my back… while also maintaining a fairly well stocked home electronic section.
If you ever see me wandering through Fred Meyer, I can guarantee that it’s not because they don’t have what I’m looking for, it’s that I can’t find what I’m looking for.
What I’m usually looking for is my wife.

…Pants On Fire


The earliest people observed that our planet goes through seasonal changes because they noticed that the weather varied as they stayed rooted in the same geographic region.  Spending repeated time in a certain locations allows you to recognize repeatable patterns.

My wife and I fell in love at Disneyland, and since that day we’ve spent a lot of time at Disney theme parks.  It’s a place where spending constant time allows us to recognize and identify repetition.

I’ve discovered repeated patterns of dishonesty within the walls of the happiest place on earth. The most obvious are the lies told by the children who visit the park:

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We Don’t Serve Your Kind Here


One of the most fun things about the Post-Christmas/Pre-New Year’s time frame is the shopping that you get to do with the money you received through the mail from out-of-town relatives.

I remember that my Grandpa in Pennsylvania used to send me a post card with 4 quarters taped onto the back of it.

This may sound cheap now, but $1 of pre-Jimmy Carter era money could buy you a whole bag of Green Army Men and a pack of Fruit Stripe Gum.

We don’t send cash through the mail anymore, now we send people gift cards. Gift cards are a much safer way to make sure that someone gets the money you sent them and still feels special.

Or so we all like to think.

It’s the week after Christmas, or as I like to call it:

“The week you find out that no one will take your gift cards.”

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