You Don’t Hate Brady’s Game…

Let’s get a few things straight about Tom Brady. He’s really good looking. I don’t mean attractive, I mean that he’s good looking enough that your eyes don’t naturally “bounce off” of him after spotting him.

Aside from having a square jaw and a noble forehead, Brady also has straight teeth and a head of hair thick enough to make a Baldwin look like a Bolton. He’s also 6’4″, and has the forearms of a pipe fitter.

He’s so handsome that you can photograph him with a goat and still sell the pictures for money.

That’s not to say that he’s often photographed with unattractive creatures. Generally he’s photographed alongside his ridiculously good looking wife, who just happens to be celebrated internationally for helping Victoria become the world’s worst kept secret.

They are both successful, wealthy, and powerful in their own right. Together they are an empire of fashion, beauty, and fortune. They are the American equivalent of David and Victoria Beckham.

Which is why it’s interesting that much of America is not thrilled with the prospect that Tom Brady might win his fourth Super Bowl today. In fact, the pairing of Brady’s New England Patriots versus the New York Giants in Super Bowl 46 has been met with nearly 2 weeks of underwhelming malaise.

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Reaching Your Key Players

It’s rare that a movie about sports is actually very good. For every “Hoosiers” and “Rudy” there are countless bombs like Caddyshack II, The Air Up There, and Rocky V.

Movies about sports are usually terrible because the production company has to find good actors who are also good athletes.

This is harder than it sounds because in high school; the people on stage for the sophomore production of “Twelfth Night” are very rarely the same people receiving varsity letters for wrestling.

Because of this challenge, sports movies often tip in one of two directions; well acted films filled with overly choreographed, turbocharged sports montages (The Blind Side) or believable action sequences tastefully rendered against a backdrop of acting makes the “Mighty Ducks” look like a shoe-in for the Palme D’or.

“The Cutting Edge” anybody?

On the outside chance that a casting director can find someone with the ability to act AND punch at Hilary Swank levels, they still have to pair them with a good director and a great script… which only guarantees that a picture can still be as bad as “He Got Game”.

Which is why I didn’t go see Moneyball when it hit theaters last fall.

It didn’t help that I didn’t have a good feeling about the actors involved in the movie.

When I found out that Jonah Hill would be starring in a movie that wasn’t supposed to be funny, I figured I’d skip it, because I saw a movie where Jonah Hill was trying to be funny and it turned out to be “Evan Almighty”.

When you couple that with the understanding that there are only two kinds of Brad Pitt movies;

A.) Constantly eating snacks and taking his shirt off movies
“Ocean’s 11-13”, “Troy”, “Fight Club…”

Or

2.) Making women cry movies
“Meet Joe Black’s Legend of the Tree of Buttons…”

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The B.M.T. Stands For?

You and I have misjudged a sandwich or two in our lifetimes haven’t we?

I found out just the other day that I’m not too old for a P.B.&.J.. It was delicious!

I also learned recently that, for years, I’ve been misjudging the B.M.T. This is typical, but it certainly doesn’t have to happen.

The B.M.T. isn’t at all like the B.L.T.

You’ve no doubt had a B.L.T. sandwich. You probably found it to be delicious, mostly because of the B, the L, and the T.

If you’ve just recently arrived here from another country, or are here gathering information about our planet for The Big Giant Head, B.L.T. Stands for Bacon, Lettuce, and Tomato- the key ingredients in the sandwich.

The B.L.T. isn’t just an easy nickname to remember, it’s also fun to say out loud.

Since it’s not usually on the menu, saying, “I’ll have the B.L.T.” makes you seem like a restaurant insider, akin to ordering an “Arnold Palmer” or a “Shirley Temple.”

Which returns me to the other popular, tasty, yet less aptly named sandwich: Subway’s “Italian B.M.T.”

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