Foregone Conclusions

When Demi Moore announced her impending divorce from Ashton Kutcher, by way of a publicist’s statement to the Associated Press, what wasn’t surprising was that the 6-year union between a young man and the middle-aged mother of three ended; it was how revealing “the way it was announced” was.

At 49, Demi demonstrated that she is a product of the culture created by Baby Boomers when she made an announcement about her “Traditional Values” by traditional means:

“It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I have decided to end my six-year marriage to Ashton. As a woman, a mother and a wife there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life…”

Not lost in her statement is the insinuation that the divorce is happening because “someone” didn’t share in the sacred nature of their vows.

At 33, Ashton revealed that his worldview is squarely informed by a now fading GenX paradigm. His reliance on technology to get his message out led him to Twitter:

“I will forever cherish the time I spent with Demi,” Kutcher tweeted. “Marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world and unfortunately sometimes they fail.”

Tweeting about his divorce isn’t Kutcher’s biggest problem.

At first glance, What sounds like heartfelt expression of “something” is actually a clever attempt to sidestep culpability.

Without attempting to heap abuse on an already unravelling and embarrassing situation it has to be pointed out that “marriages” never fail, people do.

Our all too human attempts to place the responsibility for our failures at the feet of organizations, institutions, and agreements reveals that we’ll go to great lengths to distance ourself from failure… even when that failure is our own.

Haven’t you ever done something like this?

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Showing Up Big

So today I saw a pretty remarkable video that’s been floating out there on the inter-webs. You’ve probably seen it, I’ll put a link at the end.

What starts out as a very boring home video from somebody’s African safari quickly becomes more fascinating than an animal planet movie featuring the those wily Kratt brothers.

It’s so amazing, that I’m telling you about it right now.

In the video, a baby water buffalo is kidnapped from his mother by a pride (that’s a professional term for herd) of lions.

They chase it and it falls into the river.

While the lions are trying to pull the baby water buffalo out of the river, a crocodile (I’m not making this up) swims up and grabs the water buffalo’s tail with its jaws.

This means that a tug of war for the baby water buffalo breaks out between the crocodile and lions.

Just when it looks really bad for that baby water buffalo (what with all the teeth and claws), guess what happens? A whole herd (that’s a water buffalo term for pride) of mama and poppa water buffaloes rolls up on the scene!

The herd charges in and starts thumping on the lions left and right (I’m really not making this up) until all of the lions run away, and the baby water buffalo is rescued alive.

Now I know what you are thinking; “This is probably going to become a lesson about how we shouldn’t leave our precious ‘baby water buffaloes’ laying around to be menaced by ferocious savannah predators.”

or

Always take care of friends when bad things happen.”

Except I know that you probably already know all about that.

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How To Butcher A Pineapple

I do a pretty good job of being self-sufficient. I feel I can usually hold my own in just about any situation I encounter.

That being said, you should know that I just got shown up by an Island Grandma.

“The worst part was that I didn’t even see it comin’.”

For my money, Pineapple is the best fruit God put on this earth. It’s delicious, has a beautiful color, an amazing aroma, and it looks like the kind of egg that an alien would leave behind on our planet.

That’s pretty much what I know about pineapples.

There’s only one flaw with the pineapple, and that’s the fact that it takes about 4 and a half hours to prepare for consumption.

This is how you do it:

First you have to find a weapon to kill it with. I recommend the kind of machete you see being brandished by the citizens of a developing nation who are attempting to throw off the yoke of a military dictatorship.

Second, you need like a plank of wood or something firm that you can freely chop on and not be scared of ruining or getting slivers (a pineapple is dangerous enough on it’s own).

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