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The 5 People You Meet At The Resort Pool

 

Have you ever walked around a theme park and recognized somebody from earlier in the day?  Like maybe you were headed to dinner on an old-tyme steamboat and accidentally locked eyes with a person that had been 27 people ahead of you in line for a rocket-ship, before lunch?

Isn’t it a strange feeling to recognize and find familiarity with someone you don’t really know?  Recently I came to understand this feeling in a unique and interesting, if not completely insignificant, way.

Having spent some time vacationing, I can assure you that there are 5 people who you will meet at any resort swimming pool.  Not only do you recognize these 5 people immediately, but you can probably guess what they’re up to without even speaking to them.

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Spicing Up The Games

We only get steady coverage of Olympic sports once every four years.  Because of this, I have little ability to understand or appreciate some of the events that I’m unfamiliar with, like say Handball or Badminton.  As the summer games enter their second week, Gymnastics and Swimming give way to some of the second-tier events that are supposed to tide us over until the Sprinting begins.

This means that we’re getting to the point in the Olympic Games where the events are becoming more difficult to watch.  This isn’t because the coverage is bad, or because the athletes aren’t very good, it’s just that there are some events that are so disconnected from any reality that it can be difficult to understand what is happening on the screen… and why?

Take the Triple Jump for instance.  Was there a time in history when sequential jumping was an everyday necessity? Stringing three successive, yet different, jumps together is actually something more common in a Super Mario game isn’t it?  And how did we determine that three jumps was better than two and that four were too many?  Why not just let the person continue jump after jump until they can’t jump anymore?  I say that the person who gets the furthest around the track gets the gold.

I understand that there was a time when throwing a javelin was essential to human survival, but hasn’t hitting something with said  javelin always been the historical point of javelin throwing? How come there aren’t any targets?  It also doesn’t help the uneducated viewer that the officials don’t leave the previous javelin stuck into the ground to that you can see who’s has gone the furthest.  How about spicing the javelin event up by having it become about accuracy instead of distance.  I’m not saying that we put people innocent people in danger, but can’t we at least skewer some innocent watermelons?

To make these middle-weeks of the games more interesting than ever, here are 13 more ideas that I respectfully submit to the International Olympic Committee:

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Planning For… The Contractually Obligated Awkwardness

AP/Chevrolet

At the end of Superbowl 5, Dallas Cowboy linebacker Chuck Howley drove off the field in a brand new car.

Ever since that day Superbowl MVPs have been treated to a string of incentives including cash, usually $5,000, and vacations, typically to a Walt Disney park.  The fêteing of the games Most Valuable Player has become something of a Superbowl tradition.  Who can forget hearing Joe Montana announce, during the 49’ers moment of ultimate victory, that he was on his way to Disneyland?

All of that tradition was derailed this Sunday when Eli Manning, the Giant’s Quarterback and deserving MVP, was faced with a proposition like no other MVP has.

He won a car that he isn’t allowed to drive.

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