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Hold Onto Your Cookies!

It’s getting to be that wonderful time of year when darling little girls, diligently guarded by overly stern mothers, begin knocking on doors and setting up shop in front of discount super centers across the nation.

It’s Girl Scout Cookie time people.

That’s right, whether your seasonal jones is for Peanut Butter Tagalongs, Samoas, Do-Si-Dos, or wait for it…THIN MINTS, we are once again about to enter a new year filled will delectable temptations, destined to derail our new years resolutions.

And this year the Girl Scouts are bringing the heat high and inside…

Yesterday I was informed that there will be a new addition to the Girl Scout line up of cookies this year.

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The Dead Fantasy



On Christmas day I flew from Portland to Los Angeles. As is the case with Oregonians and airports, I found myself surrounded by oddly dressed people… not the least of which were Mr. and Mrs. Claus.

That’s right, as I joined the security screening line I noticed that just 7 people ahead of me there was a couple dressed up as jolly old St. Nick and his wife.

Everyone was quite happy to see them!

I didn’t do a double take at first, because I assumed that it was a couple of young pranksters out for a holiday lark…

…if you’re going to fly at Christmas, why not dress up like the Claus family?

The double take happened when I realized that these weren’t young people sporting snowy wigs and beards, they were an honest to goodness AARP couple wearing richly handcrafted costumes… and the hair was completely home grown.

Whatever possesses a couple in their early 70’s to dress in full red-velvet tailoring on Christmas day must also have possessed the “Mr. Claus” several years ago, because his full, chest-length white beard and shoulder-length white hair had been ages in the making.

While I assume that this was a professional Santa Claus performance team, probably headed to a charity event where they would no doubt stir the hearts of many children at their final destination, they weren’t working any magic for the 6am travellers…

…or the TSA agent who had to frisk “Mrs. Claus”.

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When Push Comes To Shove

 

This weekend was a bad one for NFL coaches.  I didn’t think that it could get much worse than coaches breaking legs AND tearing patellar tendons, but then the Detroit/San Francisco game ended in something that looked even more uncomfortable than Kirk Cameron’s most recent birthday party.

During the post game handshake Jim Harbaugh, the 49er’s rookie head coach, was so excited about his upstart team’s last second win over the previously undefeated Lions, that he pulled a real no-brainer.

In a jubilant sprint, he gave losing head coach Jim Schwartz of Detroit a “hand slap-chest bump” handshake- like the two of them were frat bro’s celebrating at a kegger.

Jim Schwartz didn’t like it.

While Harbaugh’s over expressive and self-congratulatory choice of post-game greeting was clearly over the top, how he ended the “handshake” may have been even worse.  At the speed both men were moving, there was going to be an inevitable collision.

Harbaugh did the old “side step and push around” maneuver that you do when cutting your way through a theme park crowd.

Jim Schwartz really didn’t like that.

As Harbaugh rushed to resume his “all-over-the-field” celebration, Schwartz looked back and “F-bombed” him to little effect.  When he realized how little impact his “fudging” of Harbaugh accomplished, he ran after him, applying the amount of body and language he felt was adequate to express his frustration.

Jim Harbaugh didn’t like that.

But this is where the paths of the two Jims diverge.  Whereas Schwartz heaped confrontation on top of Harbaugh’s cluelessness, Harbaugh didn’t want any part of Schwartz’ escalation.  It took a field full of players, coaches, and security personnel to keep Coach Schwartz away from Coach Harbaugh.

Schwartz didn’t much like that either.

At the press conference he pointed out that he didn’t like getting cussed at or shoved… even though he responded with an incredibly disproportionate amount of cussing and shoving.  Harbaugh on the other hand admitted that the offense was “on me” and that his “handshake needed some work”.

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