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A Christian Party School

In yet another desperate attempt to find relevance in a world where women can earn a living doing something other than taking their clothes off, Playboy Magazine has chosen to tell us which college campuses lead the nation in… wait for it… “Partying”.

Playboy’s list of top 10 “party schools” was released to “legitimate sports media outlets” this week and there were some surprising omissions; some historically hard-partying stalwarts didn’t make the cut as it pertained to playboy’s selectively chosen, yet tastefully displayed, criteria:

“Sex”, “Athletics”, and “Nightlife”

The hard-working statisticians and researchers behind this year’s list didn’t state how strongly the categories played into the overall decisions, but it doesn’t take a genius to understand that certain schools ranking high in “athletic achievement” and “proximity to Hollywood” wouldn’t need to rank nearly as high in the “sex” department to make the list.

Which makes me wonder how a Christian University from Ft. Worth, Texas with two streets famous for pizza, burgers, and tacos, and a respectable, yet modest, athletic department lands at number 9 on the list?

That’s right, Texas Christian University beat out all but 9 colleges in an All-American ranking of nightlife, sports, and the proclivity for pre-marital prevarication.

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They weren’t just drug tests…

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I can’t do algebra, not even a little bit. While I can add apples and take apples away from apples, as soon as the letters start mixing with the numbers I’m completely lost.

Now that you know that I can’t do algebra, you might assume that I’ve also failed an algebra test or two. You’d be wrong though, I went an entire year of school passing algebra tests; because I am an accomplished math cheat.

I cheated on every assignment, test, and quiz of every day, of my freshman year of school.

It was easy, I would look at the papers of everyone around me and write down exactly what i saw. I also got a little help from people “liked” me enough to “trust me”, and blindly believe in my innocence.

I had no conscience, just a desperate desire to get a passing grade any way I could.

Lance Armstrong has been stripped of 7 Tour De France victories, and faces a lifetime ban for using illegitimate substances while competing at the highest level of bicycle racing.

Lance Armstrong has never officially failed a drug test.

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She’s Not Impressed

Associated Press

Jerry Seinfeld famously pointed out that the Silver Medal is the tragedy of the Olympics, because 2nd place is really the number 1 loser,

“Nobody lost better than you… of all the losers, you came in first… of that group.”

While there may be a bit of wry reality in his statements (no athlete is really shooting for silver) every Olympic event gives out the Silver Medal as the second highest honor that an athlete can achieve in international competition.  It’s an achievement, not a demerit.

Still, not everybody is impressed with a Silver Medal finish…

…occasionally it’s the Silver Medalist.

This year’s Olympics have featured quite a few petulant 2nd placers, not the least of which is 16 year-old American gymnast McKayla Maroney.  While Maroney’s athletic performance fell shy of the Gold, her dramatic performance during the medal ceremony will be remembered for years to come.

Maroney couldn’t force her face to hide her disappointment, and she also couldn’t bring her eyes to look at the medal after receiving it.  She actually crossed her arms in front  of it, hiding it from view.

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