Attention Mark Zuckerberg, I hate the Facebook right hand column.
I don’t hate it because it’s all advertisements, on the contrary, advertisements are fascinating to me. I don’t hate it because it’s expanding like a Gremlin in a microwave, crowding out such beloved Facebook chatskis as “Pieces of Flair” or “Mafia Wars”. I hate it because it may be the least intelligent marketing currently at work in this solar system… and this is a planet that still employs telemarketers.
Sometimes the ads are spelled terribly or make no sense whatsoever. I’m pretty sure that these ads are being copy-written by someone who employs English as a fourth or fifth language. I submit to you the exquisitely crafted “Best Products All” that appeared on my page yesterday:
This is the “worstest” attempt at legibility that I have “even seen all” since Miss Teen South Carolina helped us locate “the Iraq.”
Occasionally a lack of punctuation leads you to read an advertisement in new and exciting ways. I submit to you “Classless Desire” from last week.
At first I thought that Marxists may be attempting to advertise their way into a new era of “class free” society. Then I wondered if they were using the word “class” in a Ron Burgundy-esque fashion. Who would’ve thought a “class free today” could make for a more desirable you? Maybe Tara Reid.
Sometimes the ads appear to be grouped so randomly that I can’t even imagine what their page scanning “spy-bot” read on my profile that caused them to group these items together. I submit to you “the collision of two worlds” which appeared on my page today.
I’m wondering if this is because I clicked “like” on both the Rich Mullins AND Pet Shop Boys fan pages, or because my employer is a church AND I status updated in favor of Adam Lambert 63 times During American Idol Season 8?
And who could forget the father of the genre? The ad that started it all, “The Prepositionally Incorrect Secret To Great Abs.”
One weird old tip you say? Who wouldn’t want to try that? People who don’t want to “cut down a little bit of the belly each day” I say.
I guess it could be worse, Obama could still be ordering mom’s back to college…
Tell me what you hate about the right hand column, because the world needs to know how you feel about Snorg Tees.